“So, how did you get into the Lifestyle?”
That's how it always starts doesn't it? Like superheroes, swingers have their origin stories. It is such a given that asking for it is often the opening line in our small talk (either that or “Aren't you funSxyCupl4U22Play on Kasidie?”). Some stories are full of adventure, seduction, intrigue, and drama. Others, are stories of awakening and rebirth.
Here is ours.
We were winding down for the evening a couple of years ago when Angelica nudged me and asked “Damien, what do you think of this?” handing me an issue of More magazine (For Grown-up Women with Smarts|Spirit|Style – or so it says). The magazine was open to an article titled “Welcome to the (sex) club”.
I skimmed the author's account of her visit to one of the swinger clubs in Toronto and looked up to see Angelica watching me expectantly. Always quick on my feet, my reply reeked of sophistication.
Thankfully, Angelica didn't wait for me to continue. “It says the club has a dance floor, and most of the people are our age, and… there-is-a-private-area-in-the-back-where-we-could-have-sex.”
OK, I'm going to stop there for a moment and give you a bit of background. Angelica and I are in our late 40s, we've been together for over 25 years and have two kids in their early and mid teens. Between kids, career, and general familiarity, I'm afraid our sex lives had gotten into a bit of a rut.
To compound this, we live in the city, in a tiny thin walled house built in the 1930s. When your kids are old enough to go to bed later than you, and you can hear every sound they make as they do so, it's tough nurturing a romantic mood.
Finally, although we love dancing, most clubs cater to a much younger crowd, and since we hated that feeling of being the oldest in the room, we didn't go out dancing much either.
We talked about how appealing the idea of a dance club that catered to our demographic was. The fact that it had a private area where we could get some much needed us time was just an added bonus. That's what we told ourselves anyway.
Eventually our discussion petered out and we went back to whatever we were reading. Though, I have to say, it got me thinking.
It must have gotten Angelica thinking too, because a couple of weeks later she asked, “Remember that article? The one about the sex club?” she paused and then continued, “Would you, umm, ever consider having sex with someone else?”
“Umm…” I replied.
There I was being erudite again.
Finally I answered. “I don't know. It seems like it could be really messy. I do know I would not want do anything that could possibly hurt our relationship.”
Then over the next few weeks, as I always do when confronted with something new, I began to research. I devoured Podcasts (Life on the Swingset, Sex is Fun, Swingercast), Books (Sex at Dawn, Opening Up, Ethical Slut, The Swinger Manual, The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers), and websites (swingersboard). And we talked. We talked about what I was learning, we talked about our wants and desires, we talked about fantasies, we talked about rules, we talked about jealousy, and we talked about scenarios good and bad.
So that was what it took, a silly article in a Women's magazine, and Angelica's challenging question. From there something magical grew. We started talking about sex and our desires in a way that we never had before. Years of restraint honed while we focused on career and family melted away, and as we began to share our fantasies, our sex lives rebounded dramatically.
And as we talked, learned, and shared, my fear of this new thing called the Lifestyle lessened, and was replaced by a renewed confidence in our relationship, our love and respect for each other, and the anticipation of where this journey might take us. Slowly we began to realize, that far from hurting our relationship, this journey had the potential to enrich it tremendously.
Then I left for a week long business trip, and inspired by our fantasies, I started writing erotic stories to send home to Angelica every night. If we had lit the fire before I left, by the time I returned it was a full blown inferno. We booked our first visit to a swingers club shortly after I returned.
And the rest, as they say, is history… or at least stories for another day.
Close to exactly our story, though we’re a bit earlier on in the progression than you just now (just starting). But the age/kids/rut thing strikes a chord. We’re looking forward to hearing more.
This is very similar to my wife and my story. We thought about having other lovers, discussed it over a period of most of two years, and then met a man who my wife fell for. He introduced me to his GF and we hit it off, too. That was in 1967. We lost touch with the man, but the GF keeps in touch with us. We see her every few years, most recently two months ago.
In Seattle, in 1967, there were no adult bookstores to find swingers magazines in, certainly no internet, and no clubs we could find. There was a swing scene, but it was very underground. So our first experiences were more poly than swinging.
Great story! My wife and I were younger/not married as long when we got started, but our journey into the lifestyle started similarly – with discussion and research! And we agree – it enriches our relationship and reminds us of everything we find sexy and lovable about each other.