Mr. D and I recently boarded a jet plane to spend a weekend in one of our favorite cities. We love spending a weekend eating good food, listening to live music, and attending one of our favorite swinger’s club in the United States. We have developed a friendship with a lifestyle couple in this town. I look forward to the opportunity to see this couple and especially the guy. I have amazing chemistry with the guy. He is an airline pilot and I have a fantasy of him having a layover somewhere near my town. I am waiting for him in a hotel room in lingerie with a bottle of champagne chilling by the door…..
But I digress. As we were chatting naked after some hot sex this weekend, I mentioned the difficulties of DP (discussed in the previous blog). He said that he had tried it once with another couple. His wife does not like anal sex so it’s not a discussion in their swinging habits.
It got me to thinking about anal sex. I never liked it either, until about a year ago. Now it is lots of fun. I found that it just took practice. Just like learning how to orgasm for the first time took practice. And discovering the multiple orgasm too practice. And squirting took practice. All of these things I at first worried I couldn’t do at all. And now I do them all quite well.
I think women need to know that they can learn new tricks in the bedroom. They just need to work on them. I am of the belief that all women can learn all of these things with enough practice. What is hard is that, at least for me, I needed to figure each of these things out myself to even know what I was searching for. Once I achieved the task once, I knew how to signal my body. But the mind-body connection with women and sex is a funny thing. We have to learn how to train our bodies to get the most out of sex. It’s like we aren’t sure what target we are aiming for. Once we hit the target, then we can fine tune the experience. But until then we are unsure what to do.
Part of the dilemma is that each experience is different and most are a bit paradoxical. When I first sought to learn how to have an orgasm years ago, I thought it must be about penetration. It was only when learned that penetration for me has little to do with it—instead it is almost entirely about clitoral stimulation—did I fully learn to explode.
I didn’t learn any of other fancy tricks for almost 20 years. In fact it wasn’t until we became “full swap” that I discovered multiple orgasms that I thought would forever elude me. Mr. D. is very well endowed—so much so that intercourse bypasses the G-spot almost entirely. I needed other cocks to hit the G-spot just right to understand how to continue doing backflips for an extended period of time. Now that I know how to find it and how it feels, I can find that spot with Mr. D.
As with anal sex, it is quite the opposite of intercourse. Whereas orgasms with intercourse are more intense the tenser I become, anal sex requires relaxing deeper and deeper for the process to move from painful to enjoyable to incredible. Practice makes perfect though.
I am wishing that my lifestyle friend in my favorite city takes the risk to experiment a bit more with the backdoor. Some deep breaths and relaxation could help a great deal.
My experience has been similar. I’ve learned so much about my body and sexuality through swinging. Great article! Hope someday you have that amazing lay-over!
Hi Mrs. D – Would you mind giving a tutorial on how you got started on anal?We’re in the same boat as your friends. S is not into anal. We’ve done a little play, analingus, a finger but that’s it. She gets a little nervous and reverts to her kind of uptight strict Baptist upbringing. Not a big deal- we have a couple we play with where the wife loves anal and we have played with a unicorn who preferred it-pretty cool! Still, I think it would be great if S would give it a shot and she’s game!
Thanks – R&S
A tutorial on anal. Let’s see. I think starting with toys is the best strategy. Anal beads and butt plugs. Lots of lube. Those can be fun while she is fucking on top.
As I said in my post it is counterintuitive since it is the opposite of anal sex. It’s about relaxing and opening. Very much like labor actually. So even if she mentally says/ thinks the word “open” that helps. Especially if she starts to panic or get nervous.
I have to be in control of the toy or the cock until I am dialated. So I push in whatever until I feel a stretch but no pain. And then I wait. Maybe tiny pulses but not much. I might focus on my clit for a while if I am impatient. Then I give a little more pressure and take deep slow breaths and think “open” and then eventually I open up wide. Then a cock can slide in.
But those few minutes require patience and the girl being in control so that the push does turn into pain if it is too fast. Over time the body learns to dialate more quickly plus I am more patient because I have learned to trust the process.
I also like a lot of clit stimulation during anal but the orgasm still comes from a different place than clit stim with vaginal sex.
thanks so much. i’d love to get to the point where i can enjoy and look forward to anal and all the delicious fun it can offer:) i love to buy new toys so that will be fun too! hubby and i will report back and let you know how it goes.