My name is Zoe Hanis and I am an introvert by nature. I have major social anxiety. I get nervous in new situations and in meeting new people. The confidence I have is usually fake; fake it until it is real. Somewhere between “relaxingly tipsy” and “completely intoxicated” my social anxiety fades and my extroverted self lives. Unfortunately, it is sometimes difficult to stop at that stage.
Hubby’s girlfriend smacked me upside the head yesterday. She was worried that I was spending far too much time intoxicated lately. “I wanted to shake you,” she said. “You are so much better than that. If anyone else treated you the way that I saw you treating yourself (while drunk), I would beat them up.” She tends to be rather protective of the ones she loves.
Apparently, I have no idea of how I am perceived when drinking. I am not the morose drunk, nor the one that simply passes out. I am the loud and sexually aggressive drunk.
One night over dinner, Guy mentioned that he was taken by surprise at Mardi Gras that I tend to kiss anyone and everyone when intoxicated. Hubby’s girlfriend asked him if he had ever met me; she can be quite sarcastic. I had thought that he had seen me drunk previously, though perhaps he had not.
Guy and I had attended a Poly Masquerade Mardi Gras Party hosted by a poly group in the city. Strange I almost said a vanilla party, as if I now consider poly to be the average or mundane. It was sort of amusing that I only knew a couple of poly people there, so we hung out with the swing crowd: Cooper, Dylan and Tonia. They may have been masked and incognito, but their voices are distinct to those of us who are fans (or friends).
We looked nice all dressed to the nines. Guy wore his tuxedo and top hat with a vest and tie that I had made for him. Gods, did he looked hawt. When I got my first glimpse of him, I melted. My knees turned to jelly as my pussy began to tingle, wetting the panties that I so rarely wear. I knew he could see the desire in my eyes since he continued to make a production of showing off his outfit and even commented that he now knew how to get to me (as if he didn’t before). Had he asked for anything within my power, it would have been granted.
Like anyone else, I have a list of major turn-ons and well dressed gentlemen are close to the top of the list. Being in a room with so many well dressed men all evening, lit the match and alcohol fed the flame. I was horny as hell.
I ended up kissing not only those people that I knew, but a couple of people who I didn’t. One woman and I got quite friendly. She had drawn her mask on with something similar to eyeliner. Over the course of the night, I ended up with huge black streaks across my face. I think with a couple more drinks, I could have easily fucked her right there on the dance floor which would have been completely inappropriate.
This same drunken kissing/making out, happened again recently. I was once again very drunk and turned to Guy’s new girlfriend. The three of us have been spending a lot of time together and she had expressed an interest in me. I really like her, but am still having issues adjusting to having a new constant presence in Guy’s life. While I am sure fucking her would be fun, but it is a choice that should be made while sober.
I think this is the reason that I was told that when one is swinging, one should not drink a lot. And one should not fuck someone that is drunk. So while like me, they may be extremely horny when intoxicated, the capacity to make good judgment calls and give consent is missing.
Hubby’s girlfriend suggested that I quit drinking for a while, especially until I fully adjust to all the changes happening around me. I suppose that means that it will be back to faking confidence to get me through the anxiety. But that may be for the best.