I think Prof and I are pretty open-minded. Even for swingers, I think we project an air of acceptance and openness that friends enjoy. That's something I certainly enjoy experiencing from other sexy friends. It's something I think many of us seek when starting to date…perhaps some more than others.
As we date new people and build trust and connection with new playmates, it is lovely to learn their turn-ons and turn-offs. One of the exciting parts about dating different sexy friends is that delicious variety so many of us seek. We don't want the same old thing. We want the box of chocolates: caramel-filled first, on to covered almonds, oooh…coconut, now the striped one…yay, I love cream-filled! But what happens when you come across a flavor so rare and unique, not many people crave the taste?
If you are in the Lifestyle long enough and build enough trusting playmate relationships, you are likely to be propositioned with a request or two for a sexual adventure that isn't exactly your taste. Depending on how you play, this may be a request of you, a request of your partner or a request that requires you both to participate (and may even include other sexies as well).
Supposing you are game (and your partner is amenable), despite the fact that the request may fall a bit beyond your sexual range, go for it! Worst case, you decide it's not for you. On the positive side, you may learn something. It might feel fantastic! It may open up a whole new world of pleasure you had no idea existed. And, until you became a swinger and met this hottie, you had been missing out on this spectacular sexual experience. This new erotic adventure is now yours to unleash on your partner if she or he desires or other playmates you may encounter with their consent. Oh, the joys of swinging!
The trickier scenario is how to handle a proposition that is just not something you are willing to explore. Even trickier than that is how to handle an interaction after a sexual request that shocks your socks off. Let's start with the former then move on to the latter.
What do you do if a lover makes a request of you that you are just not willing to fulfill? Certainly, in this case, honesty is the best policy. If you are simply not into the request to have him give you a facial or anal sex is only for you and your beloved, say so. If you agree to fulfill the desire and do so half-heartedly, your lover will notice. The passion and enjoyment just won't be be there. Better to say up front, right away, before you slide into playing, what you are up for and what will be fun for you. No need at all to explain why you are not into playing a certain way. No means no in the swinger world and how you play is your prerogative. However, to sustain a sexy vibe you may want to suggest something hot to do in place of your lover's suggestion.
If you find yourself in the position of having just been propositioned with the most kinky and outlandish request, it is important to recognize your playmate is not only turned on by you, but trusts you enough to open up about her or his less than mainstream sexual desires. Maintain that trust by saying “no thank you” without making your lover feel self-conscious about the desire. Remember there is a whole continuum of sexual desires out there and we all have a right to experience what turns us on with consensual adult partners.
Honoring variety honors the Lifestyle. And as always, no means no. Put the two together by doing only what turns you on while maintaining the dignity of your lovers makes you a class act.