When Prof and I are talking shop about our relationship on date night, I often wonder if the couple at the next table can overhear us. When it is just the two of us and we are sharing and visioning about our relationship, it feels easy and right. After all we have been open now since 2006, it doesn't compute that is has been that long.
The relaxed way we are able to ask about other partners, the smiles we share stemming from compersion, the encouragement for pursuing emotional connections, all of it feels like a simple manifestation of who we are. It reflects the abundant love in our partnership of over two decades.
It is bizarre, but often I forget how counterculture we really are. We never really intend on being standard-bearers for the cause, yet here we are telling our story on the podcast for years.
There are those moments when we walk to the line, the monogamish line, in conversation with some people. It is then when I feel that hesitance in sharing that it takes courage to flout the culture construct of monogamy. Despite that fact that you may be extraordinarily fulfilled and solid in your relationship, the fact that you choose to live beyond the rules is more than many people can allow.
Although you likely decided to pursue ethical non-monogamy for personal reasons, the world wants to make it about them. When they glance in the mirror that is your awesome relationship, most often people see their own lack of fulfillment reflected back.
It is a reinvention, an inspired hack, to look within yourself, decide what you want and make it happen outside the bounds of the rules. Without even choosing to engage other people about changing the way they think about relationships, they are irrationally triggered by the fact that somehow you have decided the rules don't apply to you.
Regardless of other human's reactions, life is too precious to make your life decisions according to someone else's metric.
Stand strong in creating your own relationship in the way that best honors you and your partners. It is counterculture to live as though love is infinite. The focused effort it takes to override the culture brainwashing doesn't make it wrong. In fact, the intention and attention it takes to create your own unique relationship is itself a manifestation of the love you hold for one another.
The mutual respect, concentrated sharing of self, and deep honoring of each human involved demonstrates the desire to support everyone's journey toward their fullest potential.
While some humans find this fulfillment in relationship with one other partner, there are those of us who either don't or simply identify with infinite love. If you are one of those humans, examine the rules, decide if they are for you. If not, dig deep for a bit of courage. Have the counterculture conversation and create the relationships that work best for you.