I had to write about this because even I don't quite believe what I'm about to do. Tomorrow morning I get on a plane and fly to another country for the weekend, to shack up with a guy who I've only sorta met (more on that in a bit) while my hubby holds down the fort at home.
It all started at an amazing place called Desire Resort & Spa in Mexico. Except it didn't really “start” there. I met this guy in the hot tub the first night we arrived. Someone said, “Daisy this is Todd (not his real name), Todd this is Daisy.” We made eye contact, smiled and that is the only memory I have of him for the whole debaucherous week! We were both there but apparently we ran [fucked] in different circles. He has a few more memories of me, mainly of me topless at a few of the activities.
That was November. By mid February I asked him to be my Poly Valentine (he said yes) and I'm asking hubby what he thinks about me going by myself to visit this guy I sorta met at Desire. We are now 4 months from sorta meeting and it's the eve of my trip.
Crazy, right!? The other day I tweeted, “Poly or crazy? I'm flying to another country to see a guy I barely met.” It was unanimous that they are not mutually exclusive. Let's face it, you gotta be a little “crazy” to want to date when you are married. I thought I said good-bye to the roller coaster of courtship when I got married. Apparently not!
So how did this happen? One word: Twitter. I never even tweeted before Desire. After we got home I found out a bunch of the Swingset listeners that went on the trip were connecting on Twitter. Desperate to keep the sexy vibe going and stay connected to the community, I created an anonymous handle and jumped in.
This was especially helpful when, inspired by our Desire experience, hubby and I decided we wanted to expand our open relationship beyond swinging only as a couple, to separate dating and poly-like relationships (something that terrified us just a mere 2 1/2 years ago when we started our lifestyle journey). Within a week hubby was in a hot n' heavy new relationship and I was turning to the Swingset Twitter crew for support. Todd and his wife Kerri (not her real name) had been separate dating for a year and quickly became confidants. Both reached out to me through private message and offered words of advice. Kerri and I became surprisingly close friends over the last few months and Todd and I became, well, more. We quickly went from friendly fellow Swingsetters, to swapping sexy stories, to openly flirting, to sexting, to deep convos via instant message late into the night, and to the big step…talking on the phone. (A HUGE step actually, because talking on the phone is so rare nowadays!) Within a couple months we were acknowledging that we had a pretty cool thing going on and wondered if it would translate to chemistry in person.
Todd was quite cautious at first, fresh off of a poly relationship that ended abruptly leaving him unexpectedly heartbroken. Ironically, I had gone through a breakup very recently too (my first poly relationship), but I was having too much fun to worry about the future. It didn't take long for Todd to decide he was up for the “risk” and we made a conscious decision to proceed. The next step to solidify our long-distance “thing” was to talk about me coming to visit. After all, we still needed to pass the Kiss Test!
Plane tickets got booked and that seemed to accelerate things. In the 6 weeks leading up to the trip the connection deepened. We end our days sending “good night” messages and talk on the phone every couple days with Skype sprinkled in. Kerri has taken to calling me her metamour and I am reading the poly bible More Then Two with rabid enthusiasm. And our worries about the Kiss Test and having chemistry have dwindled considerably. (If we have it on Skype we are likely to have in in person!)
As I write this I'm 110% excited to see him tomorrow and 99.99% sure sparks and clothing will be flying within minutes. However… yesterday I had a huge meltdown. All the fears Todd had in the beginning were finding me. Talk about being late to the party! The thoughts in my head sounded like this, “What the hell were you thinking!?After this weekend you will be even more into him, and then what? Will you spend every day counting down the days until your next trip? And whine about missing him? Get your heart broken!? This is very real and you could get very hurt!”
My new “I'm Poly & I'm Proud” banner was wet with tears and the letters were running together barely legible. So what did I do? I called Todd. I cried. He said some wise things. I cried some more. And then after an hour or so of contemplation, I was back in the saddle and ready. Bring it on! I can do this! WE can do this! (It also helped when Kerri shared that freaking out is an essential step to her process before big dates.)
It's the eve of the trip. I'm packed. (First time ever packing condoms, toys, gloves, etc without bringing my hubby along!) I'm checked in for my International fight (“What!? Another country!? You couldn't fall for one closer?” My freak out voice still lingering) And although I'm Jewish and never celebrated Christmas, I feel giddy and excited like I would imagine a child feels on Xmas morning.
So my friends, I will see you on the flip side and tell you how it went….