I'll never forget it. Prof and I were less than a month into a hot threesome relationship with our first lover. It was so steamy, passionate and fun. But while Prof and I were chatting in the hot tub one night, we realized the only other person in the whole world we could talk to about our thrilling, new-found relationship was her, our sexy new lover. While she is an amazing conversationalist, none of us had any experience in this swinging thing. And it felt a lot like we were the only people in the world experiencing such a dynamic.
Whether you are a seasoned swinger or a hesitant newbie, finding a quality, classy swing club and attending a party can help you broaden your swinger horizons. One thing to know is it is not always a guaranteed night of total hedonism, but it certainly doesn't have to be to be fun. Just building relationships with other sexually-open hotties and having conversations about others' experiences in the Lifestyle, you can inform your own communication and decision-making between (among) you and your partner(s).
Arriving at our first swing event, Prof and I were so nervous. Actually, I think I could characterize it as freaking out. We could only imagine the sheer debauchery and depravity we were about to observe and experience. We prepared ourselves to have to run away if needed then we took a deep breath and walked in…into a classy room full of well-dressed, attractive and, we would discover, well-spoken people. But, but, where were all the swingers?!
Yes indeed, Prof and I fell prey to that stereotype and had some serious internalized swingerphobia. I mean, really, we were there for the same purpose: to foster along our new-found sexual openness. I wonder how many others headed to their first party struggled with that same culturally-coerced stereotype that sexually-open people are somehow lesser, people to be wary of and, perhaps, not trusted. I'll admit: we came up against the internalized swingerphobia and readily crushed it into tiny little bits for the useless rubbish that it is.
These days we are thrilled and proud to be surrounded by some truly amazing friends, most of whom we met going to the club. We, of course, have become enlightened through the experience of honoring the evolution of our open relationship, as well as having thoughtful conversation with sexy friends about what brought them to and keeps them in the Lifestyle.
Swingerphobia is likely not the first reason out of your mouth for being nervous to head to a party or the club. Perhaps you are more likely to admit feeling nervous heading back out into the dating world, albeit the couple dating world. We all feel that same anxiety around making an impression, wearing something alluring and meeting potential lovers. And just as we all experience varying levels of those social emotional butterflies, we also experience varying levels of preconceived notions of swingers.
In the case of the social emotional butterflies, we all have to move through our own personal process for feeling sexy and secure walking into a room full of potential lovers. Those emotions keep us on our toes, and with the sexy fun in the Lifestyle, hopefully move us toward being more secure and confident as we flirt and make erotic friends.
In the case of the swingerphobia, if you have even the most remote feeling of those negative preconceived notions, I encourage you to take this moment to mentally crush those notions into tiny little bits for the rubbish that they are like Prof and I did. Reject the mainstream cultural sex-negativity! As the wonderful, trailblazing Betty Dodson said, “You need a thick skin and a healthy ego in order to withstand the usual blowback from being positive about sex.” Of course, the wise Betty is right and Prof and I intend to head to the club next chance we get and make the most of our sex-positivity.
The very first time my wife and I went to a club we got so nervous that we had to drive around the block a couple times.
We still laugh about it.
We both called eachother "chickens" and kept saying "ready?"
ah… we had fun though.