When it comes to Swinging, some people jump right in, blindly and boldly, or perhaps while holding some more experienced Swingers hand. Others look around at the available sites, books, or groups a few weeks or months and then decide to go for it. Some people take measured steps moving steady towards Swinging. And then there are others who move forward in small increments testing their comfort levels gingerly as they go. No one way is better than others as long as it works for the couple.
Tyler and I were definitely all about the baby steps (OK, Tyler was ready well before I was…so I guess I was all about the baby steps and Tyler was patiently waiting and gently nudging.) In the beginning I wanted anonymity…I was a little shy, a little embarrassed, and horrified that my friends, family, and neighbors would find out. So initially, the internet was out, as was anything local really. Looking back, we probably could have found what we wanted much sooner, without so many missteps, if I hadn't been so paranoid and cautious, but…I am who I am…
Our first venture ended up being a false start. Knowing nothing about what to look for in a club, we decided that a Swing club in Las Vegas would be a good thing to try. It was distant and anonymous, and the club offered a tour in the afternoon. We weren't looking to Swing really, but rather to be in a place where couples were playing to see how it made us feel. I liked the idea of being able to leave when we wanted without having to apologize if the whole thing was too much for me to handle. I guess I was looking for something sexy, and perhaps a little naughty that would give me a taste of what Swinging was about.
We did end up touring the club, and it was actually quite nice. It was clean, comfy, and had a wide variety of areas to it. When we came back at night, however, it wasn't what we were hoping for. It pretty much ended up being a handful of couples, most too shy to do anything, a swarm of single guys looking for something to watch, a hot tub where aforementioned men were openly masturbating to the one couple who had ventured into the tub, and the realization that the “couples-only” room was bordered by 1-way glass and that we were being watched by a dozen or more people. There was a windowed orgy room that we were interested in peeping, but it was surrounded with such a thick crowd that we couldn't see in. We didn't run away screaming, but we certainly weren't comfortable enough to play with anyone (or even each other) at the club. As we were leaving, a large crowd arrived, so I do wonder if we would have had a different experience if our timing had been better.
Thankfully, we didn't let this experience stop us. A few months later we took another baby step. But I'll save that for another post.
Although our first experience initially felt like a disaster, from it we learned a little more about what we wanted and were comfortable with. There had been one couple that was openly playing, which was very nice to watch (until another couple made them uncomfortable by commenting on their techniques). We also got a brief lesson on how to approach another couple. When a couple asked us to play, they asked where we were from, how long we'd been together, and what our boundaries were. Although I wasn't ready to play with them, it made us think about what things we'd want to know about potential playmates. In time we also found that there are many types of clubs out there, many that prohibit or limit singles, many more that have truly private areas, and that good clubs will have reasonable rules and be places many people enjoy going to again and again. In the end, even very nice local clubs aren't quite our scene, but it was still a worthwhile adventure and lesson.
Great post. We were very much like you, though our first shot at a local “off premise” club was very positive in that we met some really nice couples. The fact that there was no sex on premise really helped in terms of not feeling pressured (though we were sooooo nervous). We explored clubs together without playing for many years (stopping and starting to expand our family). We finally took the leap and went to Desire Cancun, where, after a week of flirting with a couple we finally had our first play experience. Even then, we slowly inched our way into the pool expanding our experiences very slowly, always taking time to talk and assess (and hitting a few bumps in the road along the way). Good for others to see that taking it slow is just fine. Do what is right for you and your partner even if its seems everyone else is having a full swap orgy, lol!! Good luck in your journey.
Your experience sounds almost word for word as ours was when we attended this same club when we lived in Vegas. I was so disappointed and sincerely hope to one day replace that not so great experience with something much better and much more like what we imagine swing clubs to be :))
Thanks for the post — it was fun to laugh and remember our trip there. That is where I figured out that I liked to watch (thanks to the 1-way glass room)