We had a “date” this weekend with a couple–The Wonderfuls. We met them online at Swing Lifestyle (SLS). After some exchanges of e-mails and photos, we met them person for dinner while visiting relatives in the “big city.”
Over some delicious sushi, we immediately all clicked. To be fair, though, Mr. Doubleplay and Lady Wonderful clicked more. We were sitting at a Japanese Steak House and were seated along the hibachi table in a row. With that arrangement, we had to have 2 separate conversations. I talked with Mr. Wonderful and my Mr. Doubleplay talked with Lady W. Without a doubt, Mr. W. and I had a GREAT deal in common—kids the same ages, we had both lived in the same area of the West Coast, Lady W and I were in the same profession. So much to talk about. Such a nice guy. Could be a great vanilla friend.
I came to realize that Mr. Doubleplay and Lady W were clicking as well. But unlike my polite conversation, THEIR conversation was almost entirely about sex. What experiences have you had? What turns you on? So what exactly are the boundaries of for you and Mrs. Doubleplay? The chemistry, the electricity was SIZZLING. It was fun to watch although I couldn’t hear a thing in the noisy restaurant.
We paid our bill and headed to a nearby club to get some drinks and listen to a live band. Too loud to chat again and crowded. We finally found a bench where once again we were sitting in a line. I start chatting away again with Mr. W. I look over at Mr. Doubleplay and he is making out with Lady W. When did THAT get started?
Mr. Doubleplay later mentioned that he was trying to get my attention. I supposed I was purposely ignoring his attempts. I loved that he was getting some action. But if I acknowledged what THEY were doing, I would have felt obligated to do the same with Mr. W. And I wasn’t feeling it right then. I did however happily exchange some delicious kisses with Lady W when she turned my direction.
It came that time of the night when it was time to make a swinging plan. We suggested a hotel room and instead they offered to bring us back to their house. I rode with Mr. W in his car and Mr. Doubleplay took Lady W, so that we could all find the house safely. Again, I had some great conversation with Mr. W. In the other car, my Mr. Doubleplay had hand caressing, dirty talk, and a whole lot of that flirty build up that drives us crazy!
When we arrived at the house, we had some wine and got it ON amongst the four of us. Mr. W. was as kind and gentle in bed as he was as a conversation partner. And we had some very hot sex.
But what made the night sizzle was the electricity between Mr. Doubleplay and Lady W. After we were too tired to play anymore, the four of us talked for another hour, with Lady W tucked under Mr. Doubleplay’s arm.
The night got me to thinking about the difficulty of compatibility among four people in a swinging situation. I had fun, but was I…maybe…a bit jealous of the chemistry between Mr. Doubleplay and Lady W?
I think jealousy is the wrong word. I really enjoyed watching them all night long. In fact while I was being fucked very hard and very well by Mr. W., I had a full view of Mr. D and Lady W. It was so exciting to watch them that it made my orgasm all that more intense. Superb in fact. So, it was not jealousy in that I certainly want to watch Mr. Doubleplay have such a good time—it was a HUGE turn on for me. But it was jealousy perhaps in that I was longing for such a rare and deep connection that evening as well.
Mr. Doubleplay is an extremely attractive guy and he finds me the same. We talked the next night over a glass of wine during a sexy bubble bath about how hard it is to find others in the lifestyle who are extremely hot to each of us personally. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy playing with a whole lot of different kinds of people. But when you do come across that person for whom you have a deep attraction, the night is a special one. And it is rare. Perhaps even more rare than the finding the fabled unicorn (a hot, single female who is interested in playing with a couple).
The experience with Lady W caused us to discuss what the limit is. If we know that one of us is extremely hot for someone, how far is the other willing to go to give that person the opportunity to fulfill that fantasy? I found Mr. W. to be attractive and fun, so it wasn’t a concern for that evening. In the future, however, when one member of our Team Doubleplay is aching for someone and the other is not feeling it for the partner, what are the rules? Would we ever agree to one member of our team playing while the other sits out? Would one member “take it for the team” and play when it didn’t feel right?
For our relationship and boundaries, we agreed that we still would not go our separate ways—we play in the same room, we play together. We also agreed that if the other person was “good enough”—an ambiguous concept of course—then we would stretch for the other person. But if the chemistry was too imbalanced then we would limit the type of playing that we would do based on what the less attracted person was comfortable doing that evening.
I’m sure the resolution varies greatly from couple to couple, and I’d be curious to hear how others in the lifestyle handle such unbalanced attractions. It’s an important discussion to have as a swinger, I think. If a goal of being in the lifestyle is to enhance your relationship with your spouse, then a delicate balance exists between pleasing one’s partner and keeping one’s own boundaries based on the situation.