swinging, polyamory, & non-monogamy adviceWe here at The Swingset are always happy to help with any questions or concerns you have, please don’t hesitate to ask!

Q. I know you get lots of email, but I thought I would ask your advice. My wife and i are attending our first swingers party on Saturday and wondered what kind of advice you could give to us. We have yet to play with another couple yet but we really like the hosts but don't want to focus on them only. Thanks for your time.


A. The first swingers party, congratulations! That's a big step and has the potential for a lot of fun and frolicking.

My first suggestion is to not go in with any specific plans for who you want to play with, especially the hosts. These sort of expectations not only put pressure on those you might want to play with, but also cut you off from the potential surprise playmates that you might otherwise miss out on.  Also, hosting a swinger party is a lot of work, take it from me, and often as host you find it difficult to see/talk to/play with as much as you'd like.

Secondly, my recommendation is discussing what you might or might not be cool with happening in a more non-specific fashion, without attaching it to specific couples. Discuss how you'll proceed from meeting to getting along to playing. Have a safe word or gesture or phrase “I've got to check my voicemail” can mean game over. Roleplay a bit to feel out your comfort. NEVER be afraid to tell someone no thank you. And most of all, if you DO say no thank you to someone and they give you push back or don't respect that, notify the hosts, because those people shouldn't be invited back.

Definitely keep this event in your mind as a “safe zone” a place where if things go wrong, you can always just say “well, that was just the party” and not have it come back to haunt you.

But above all, relax, try not to have expectations, and go in looking for a good time!

Good luck!


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