When I first started engaging in non-monogamy, I was living in a big American city with a large, liberal social network. It wasn’t that hard to find like-minded people. We moved from the US to Europe over a year ago and we’ve been celibate ever since.
Not with each other, mind you. But with anyone else.
The situation has been rather frustrating. Having a date, with someone else, gave us time to be apart. I looked forward to him spending an evening away, since I’d spend it in bed, watching bad television and cooking whatever I wanted for dinner.
When you share a life with someone, you fall into a routine. Exposure to new people breaks that routine and gives you the chance to experience the world in a different way. At the suggestion of another, you might try a new restaurant or catch a movie you might not have otherwise.
And, frankly, I miss having a variety in sex partners. Part of the reason we got into non-monogamy in the first place was our mutual desire for variety. Neither of us wanted to be each other’s “last.”
I hope that as we establish ourselves here, opportunities will develop for both of us. We will, eventually, meet like-minded people and reestablish what we left behind. Until then… roleplay?
You’ve just described my experience! Six months ago we moved to a new city, which is a tenth of the size of our old home, and every other city is around 3000km away – the joys of living in Australia! It’s been extremely hard to find open-minded individuals, let alone couples, so we’re practically on an indefinite open relationship hiatus. I’m not sure what the solution is, but I hope we work out something soon.
Where the bloody hell are you living Alice Springs or Perth? If you are in Perth all good they have a great swinging scene otherwise oh dear. But Australian’s are used to traveling and you would be surprised how much they will travel for this lifestyle.
Just as bad – Darwin! It’s harder to keep extramarital activities under wraps in a small town. Plus I have to book flings in other cities 3 months in advance, if I want to pay less than $500 in flights.
We are in the same boat, we moved from Australian to New Zealand and although there are swingers here -lots in fact for the population. Back in Australia I travelled with work a lot and that gave me and my partner the chance to have play mates outside of marriage. Now we live in a small town and having a location to play is an issue, so are our very close neighbors. I miss sex with new people, I miss having partners who I can be with and it is not about normal everyday life but just that one night ever few months.