I just turned 30. Odd. I don’t feel 30. I don’t, in fact, feel anything different. I have always lived my life to the beat of my own drummer. Well, at least as much as anyone can. I obviously was influenced by the things around me as we all are, but I feel like I have done an excellent job in separating the wheat from the chaff. All of my friends in middle school and high school did drugs (nothing major) and drank. I didn’t. The first time I ever drank was spring break senior year of high school in Cancun. It was after all legal there. I always just shrugged off peer pressure. Maybe not always, but better than most. My friends would like me for me or they wouldn’t be my friends.
I live my life be a set of beliefs that I came to on my own after thought and rationalization. That includes being in the lifestyle. I really don’t even know exactly how I got here. I mean I know exactly when we started, but the whole decision came about very naturally through the journey of my relationship with Anne.
So, now I am 30 and have been in the swinging lifestyle for roughly a year. To say this last year has not changed me would be a lie, but I don’t feel changed. I feel as though this is who I always was, it is just now that the inner me shines through without being dulled by the chains and constraints that had been placed on my by myself and society.
The inner me used to come out and shine bright when I was drunk. I do believe that alcohol takes people's walls just enough to let them do things they want to, but would talk themselves out of otherwise. The drink (that makes me sound like an alcoholic, I am not) led to me flirting with people other than Anne and talking about sex related things. Now, I do those things without being drunk and have no regrets.
My friends have definitely noticed that normal Jack is now much more like drunk Jack. I am better way at flirting. I still don’t know that I am good at it. However, I feel much more confident in my flirting and at the end of the day I truly believe 95% of flirting is confidence. Anne and I are closer than ever before. I can absolutely say that the lifestyle has been a great thing for us. We talk and discuss more, about everything in our lives not just sex, which results in us actually being much closer. Sexy time between just the two of us is more often and more exciting. After all, sex begets more sex.
I can without a doubt say that I am happier now than I can ever remember being. Not all of that happiness stemmed from the lifestyle, but it certainly helps keep a spring in my step and love in my life. Cheers!
I remember when you guys were just starting out. I’ve been following your adventures with much interest. 🙂 I am glad that your journey has brought you happiness!
As my wife and I dip our toes into swinging and poly, we still feel very out of place. We are still struggling to find our way (what we want to do) and our confidence. Although I do believe I have always had a tendency toward polyamory, where swinging is concerned I’m still unsure. Dawn and I have flirted with others and had some exciting, sexy times, but we aren’t positive that this is “who we are”. For me it’s a balance between establishing lasting relationships (the poly side) and playing casually (the swinging side). For Dawn is it about letting herself go and experiencing physical sensations without guilt. Not having any physical sexual experiences with others, we are still trying to find our way.
At what point did you figure this out for yourselves? Did it happen before you started, or after you had a few experiences under your belts (so to speak)?