Lets face it. Anyone that spends any amount of time on the Swingset is bound to encounter people who are interested in you or your partner sexually, when the same is not returned by one or both of you. Even vanillas deal with this, but only have to consider their personal feelings. We have our significant others to think about as well. Chemistry is a must. The attraction need not be physical necessarily, mental attraction is a powerful thing as well. Regardless of what it is that attracts the two of you, it must be there or things are just not gonna work out.
So what is to be done? Should the disinterested party settle, and just go through the motions for the enjoyment of their partner? No. That never seems to work out. It is unfair to ask or expect that of your partner as well. I would never ask Ally to fuck someone she was not interested in just so I could play with the other half of the couple – or unicorn, as the case may be.
So, now the decision has been made that this will not work out. I will address the various situations where one might encounter a person or persons who have been deemed “unfuckable,” and how to let them down easy while removing yourself safely from the situation.
Swinger Clubs/Hotel Parties:
This is the easiest and safest way to meet up with a potential sex partner, get to know them, and make a decision as to whether the chemistry works and if there is physical or mental attraction, or not. We are all adults here. Be honest. If things are not going to work out, say so, excuse yourselves and move on. That way all of you can focus your energies towards having a good time.
If you are contacted by a person or couple through a dating/swingers' website, social media, or chat group and you have been emailing, chatting for a while and things do not seem to be going well, cut your losses. There is no point in investing time in a relationship that does not meet your needs. Be honest, but be polite. Move on.
The First Date:
Ok. You have been talking with some like-minded cool people, and you have decided to take it to the next step and meet up. First, make sure it is public. You do not know these people. Be safe. Also, meet somewhere casual without planning the entire evening. I suggest meeting somewhere for drinks. It's public, casual, and you can get a good impression, usually knowing in the first half hour or so if you guys are interested in them sexually. If not, simply say something like: “It was nice to meet you. I (we) really must be going, maybe I will see you again sometime.” However, if things go well, you have the rest of the evening to go for dinner, dancing, more drinks, etc.
Friends of your friends:
Ok. Here is where it gets tricky. Let's say you are introduced to some like-minded people by a mutual friend. You fuck other people, they fuck other people . . . and sure would like to fuck one or both of you. The problem is, you two have zero interest in them. Because they were introduced by mutual friends, there is a good chance that you will interact with them again in the future. In a situation like this, it is important that you continue to be honest, but also be polite. Under no circumstances should one or both of you settle and acquiesce. The sex that results will most likely not be gratifying, and it would give the other party the impression that this situation could continue.
If you are not interested, move on. There are countless other people in this lifestyle. Odds are you will encounter cool, happening, like-minded people who you both dig and connect with. Do not waste your time and effort on relationships that are not gratifying, rewarding, or in some way positive to your personal development. Besides, it is not fair to the people deemed “unfuckable” to let them think that you guys are into them, when you simply are not. We are all adults here. Let's be honest with each other at all times, and put our energies towards having a pleasurable time.
Life is short. Get off as much as possible.
I found that spelling things out like : “We can be friends without needing to be sexual” works out pretty well. We have lifestyle friends that we know for years and never played with and most likely never will, and everybody is OK with that.
This is a great article! Being upfront and honest when there isn’t chemistry for whatever reason makes everything so much better! I don’t want anyone fucking me who doesn’t think that I am sexy as hell. I tend to have trouble letting people down, but once I am just honest (but kind, of course), the tension goes away and we can be in an easy, fun, (non-sexual) friendship. It gives both them and us the opportunity to find the “right” people. Life is too short to fuck people with whom you don’t have rockin’ chemistry — whether that’s physical, mental, or chemical.